face to face with God

ok so for Master's we're reading Face to Face With God by Bill Johnson and here's what God showed me through the 1st two chapters .....


ok so all i can say is wow! this book has really got me thinking, it was one of those i need to read this like 3 times type things. Anyways i know this isn;t going to sound like i read it but this is what the book really stirred inside of me ...

It all happened at the part where Bill Johnson is talking about how living your life for Christ always requires something painful. It made me start thinking about the way i used to be. At first it caught me really off guard and i didn't know why but then i realized the reason why it came up is because whats been the most painful part of me giving my life. Now i don't mean dealing with the stuff of my past and having inner healing, i mean giving up my identity, everything i was, who i thought i was. The person i had turned myself into was so completely different then the person God intended me to be. I surrendured my life and God began to change me. He stripped me of the identity i created and began to reveal who i really am. You know when i was in Master's it was great because everyone approved of the new me and everyone wanted so badly to see me walk out his plan and purpose for me. So even though it was uncomfortable to change i didn't notice the pain... until i got home. I've been thrown back into my old life and to be honest it hurts. I'm in a constant battle with my old self and the person i truly am. Why is it that i crave my old identity? probably because it was comfortabe it was something i created. I honestly feel like in someways im mourning the death of someone i knew. Even though this life is better, for some reason i desire to be who i was and i hate that even an ounce of me would want that.... I really hope this is making sense.... Even though the temptation is there and there is so much pain i know that what God has for me is so much better and i would never want to willingly decrease the favor of Him in my life. God has put a supernatural favor in my life, i can see it everywhere i look ... So why do i want my old identity back? I guess being home as made me see, realize, and finally understand what it means to have to die daily.

i have a reason to sing!

ALL OF MY LIFE IN EVERY SEASON YOU ARE STILL GOD I HAVE A REASON TO SING I HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP!

this song has been in my spirit for seriously like the past week, just read it. No matter what i have a reason to worship simply because he is God. I dont care if i never feel him again, if he never shows up one more time in my life, because he doesn't need to. He is God. Thankfully he does show up and continues to bless me and weave through my life but if he never did ever again, it wouldn't change the fact that He is who He says He is and i have a reason to worship!
You know people keep asking me what I'm doing with my life and since I'm in Master's Commission am I going to do full time ministry, and the answer is I don't know. I don't know what His plans for me are. But i do know that in my heart I am in a constant state of worship. Its what I was created for. So then i get the question, are you going to marry a worship pastor or be one yourself and the answer is i don't know! All i know is that i don't care if im never on a microphone ever again, I will sing and not be silenced! Only he fills my soul! I am just so overwhelmed by his love for me! It makes absolutely no sense why the creater of this universe of everything would love me the way he does! He is my beloved and I am His! Crazy to think! He deserves my everything!

Red Sea

psamls 106 8-12 (the message)

   He rebuked the Red Sea so that it dried up on the spot 
      —he paraded them right through! 
      —no one so much as got wet feet! 
   He saved them from a life of oppression, 
      pried them loose from the grip of the enemy. 
   Then the waters flowed back on their oppressors; 
      there wasn't a single survivor. 
   Then they believed his words were true 
      and broke out in songs of praise. 

tonight i went to the chapel service at Meadows Fellowship. Pastor Ron talked about the Red Sea and the Isrealites and how they had to cross it. We talked about how the Red Sea now days is like the obstacles that keep us from being who God created us to be and the promises he has for us. But as i read this i was reminded that God is good. Simple i know, but i think we often forget that. We focus so much on whats right in front of us & the circumstances we're in and we think -wow God must hate me, or why is He doing this to me- rather than knowing that He already made a way for us and trying to figure out what He's trying to do in us at that moment. The psalm says that not even their feet got wet! He made a way for them to cross and not even their feet got wet! I dont know why but that makes everything inside of me jump! Well ok i know why, it just shows me that he cares and that He is good. Not only did he deliver them and make a way out he made it so they weren't even touched. How much so does he do that for me, for you? 

Another thing that really hit me was where it says the water flowed over all their oppressors and not a single survived. Now usually when i would have read that I would tend to think yeah God is gonna get everyone that has it out for me. But this time when i read it the revelation i got is thats what he did when Jesus died for me. When he sent his son and Jesus hung on that cross, he created a bridge between me and God but not only that, he overcame everything for me. I, you, everyone now has freedom. like total and complete freedom. He overcame every thing i could ever possibly deal with. He broke every chain. He gave a way out from depression, addiction, hurt, bondage.. whatever you can think of, right then and there he made a way out. Just like how God took out every single egyptian that was against the Isrealites. I've been given total and complete freedom, infact we all have, why don't we walk in it? Instead we look at our circumstances, our Red Sea and we think that there's no way out or that God is mad at us and Hes not going to provide a way out, but the fact is he already has and are we going to trust Him. Hes a good God, Hes going to make sure that not even your feet get wet! i think we need to have a perspective change! We need to learn to stop begging for freedom because we already have it we just need to walk in it! 

ok well sorry if that doesnt make sense but well its on my mind =]